Selah
by Keitorin Asthore
Summary: The war affects everyone, even defiant nine-year-old orphans. Oneshot. COMPLETE.


Disclaimer: Avatar: The Last Airbender belongs to Bryke and Nickelodeon, not me.

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She picked up another roll of bandages, sighed, and dropped them back. The heady smell of lye soap overpowered everything else, making her head ache and her eyes sting. The bigger girls- the novices and postulants- bustled around her, restocking their supplies. No one noticed someone as small as she. She slipped away without asking permission.

These were her least favorite days- the days when the ships arrived bearing the widowed and the orphaned and the wounded and the dying. The abbey was always full with those in need of care, but when the new ones arrived…the cycle of fear only began again.

She ducked into a back hallway, her small feet making very little noise on the white marble floors, and trotted down the circular steps. Late morning sunlight filtered through the windows high above her head and turned her white dress gold. Quietly she ran through the halls that she knew since her childhood days, but when she approached the front entryway, she halted, hiding behind a broad simple pillar.

The grown-ups filed past, helping wounded men walk or pushing them in wheeled chairs. Most of them wore green, the clothing left ragged and muddy and reddened from their time in battle. She watched them, amber eyes wide but not curious.

Death and dying was nothing new to her. From the time she was four years old she fetched bandages for the big girls to wrap around wounded limbs and carried water to men too weak to get it themselves. The war was an integral part of her young life, and had been since she could remember.

She watched the slow procession pass in front of her. Some of the men were old, old enough to be grandfathers. Some of them were young, and she wondered if they left sweethearts behind to cry for them. One young man- a boy in red- limped past her, leaning heavily on the shoulder of a tall nun. Her breath caught in her throat, and without thinking she darted out and caught him by the sleeve.

He looked down. "Selah?" he coughed.

Her heart leapt. "Tien!" she cried. "Tien, it's me!"

He pulled his arm away from the sister's shoulders and took her by the hands. "Selah, we thought you were dead, too," he said. Her cousin smiled down at her, an expression so very much like the young, laughing father that she had not seen in years.

"Mom got away and took us here," she said. She gripped his big, dirty hands, exulting in the nearness of someone of her blood. "They killed Daddy, Tien. They killed him."

"I know," Tien said. "We found his body outside your house. But we figured they killed you and Aunt Mira too." He turned his face away to cough, and her heart sank at the blood that splattered onto his sleeve. "Is she here?"

She shook her head. "She died a few months later," she said. "She was wounded, and it got infected."

Her older cousin, his youthful good looks marred by the heavy gash across his face, looked down at her with a sad, pitying look in his eyes. She bristled against it. She needed no pity. "You should rest," she said.

Tien laughed a little then, laughing at the seriousness of her small voice. "You always were bossy, even when you were little," he said. He let go of her hands and draped his arm around the nun's shoulders again. "Come with me?"

She nodded and took his free hand. His fingers trembled in her grip. They walked in slow, heavy silence towards the hospital wing. Tien said nothing, concentrating on walking. Selah looked up at him. He was as pale as the marble floors. Tiny drops of blood lingered on his lips. Her insides quaked- she knew what this meant.

When they reached the hospital wing, with its rows and rows of clean white beds and stinging smell of antiseptic, Tien nearly collapsed. Another nun came over and helped them lay him down. Selah stepped back, too small and too young to help here.

Tien's eyes rolled back in his head. The older of the two nuns checked his vital signs briskly. "He's bleeding internally," the other one explained.

"Poor boy," the older nun said, shaking her head. "He will not be long in this world."

Selah froze. "No," she said.

The nuns turned and stared at her. "Selah, what are you doing here?" the older one said.

"He's my cousin Tien, Sister Asa," she said. She looked them defiantly in the eyes. "He's all I've got left, and when he's better I'm going to leave with him."

Sister Asa smiled slightly. "Child, he's not going to get better," she said. "His wounds are too great. All we can do is make him comfortable while he waits to enter the spirit world."

"No!" Selah shouted.

The smile left Sister Asa's thin lips as she seized Selah by the arm. "Hold your tongue," she snapped. "These men are trying to rest."

Selah tore away from her. A million hateful things yearned to escape her mouth, but she ran instead. She ran without thinking, tearing past postulants in blood-stained pinafores and novices carrying buckets of water. Her thin leather shoes slapped against the slippery white floor. She escaped through back hallways and forgotten stairwells. Her labored breathing echoed in her own ears until it roared as loudly as the sea.

She broke through the back gate and ran into the wide expanse of the green gardens. Soft grass ruffled against her bare ankles, and her reckless pace slowed. The garden crested over the hill; below she could see the sparkling water of the bay, and a little farther away, the coastline of the Fire Nation. Selah sat down by the pond, sinking into the sweetgrass, and stared at the faraway strip of sand until her eyes blurred.

"You watch it as well?"

Selah scrambled to her feet, dashing at her stinging eyes. "Reverend Mother," she gasped.

The mother superior sat on a small bench behind her, her white gown falling in silky white folds around her. Beauty was not encouraged in the abbey, but despite the plainness of her hair, drawn back at the nape of her neck, and the lack of makeup or jewelry, there was something achingly lovely about her. "Do you watch the Fire Nation too?" she repeated.

Selah twisted her fingers. "Sometimes," she said hoarsely.

The mother superior studied her. "It was your home, wasn't it?" she said. Selah nodded. "Your own people did this to you."

"I was four," Selah whispered. "My father refused to join the Fire Lord's army. So they killed him."

"And so you came here for refuge," the mother superior finished. "How old are you now, child?"

"Nine, last month," she said.

The mother superior smiled. There was no real happiness in the expression. She held out a thin pale hand, and Selah placed her small dirty one gingerly in hers. "Why are you crying?"

Selah explained. The mother superior listened, her amber eyes focused and calm. At the end of the story she placed her other hand over Selah's. "No child deserves this," she said quietly. "Every child deserves to grow up surrounded by the love of their family." She stroked Selah's cheek. "I'm sorry."

She looked into the reverend mother's face and realized she meant it. Selah nodded, unable to speak.

"What will you do now?" the mother superior asked.

Selah looked across the bay, the light reflecting merrily over the languid waves. Somewhere, along the golden strip of sand, was home. Her old home.

"I'll wait," Selah said simply. "I'll wait for this to be over, and then everything will be right again."

She turned away from the golden coastline and back to the green of the garden, dotted with the white of lotuses. Selah smiled.

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**Author's Notes:**

Still not satisfied with this one. Blaurgh.

I wrote this mostly to get a better handle on Selah. She's an original character who's going to become rather important in my story "Ecclesiastes", but she's difficult to write. She's defiant but gentle, she hates pity but she softens under compassion, she's clever but irrational. Gaugh. Why couldn't I just let myself write a Mary Sue? I'll give her sparkling blue eyes and a pretty laugh and she's super sweet and everybody will love her. Double blaurgh.

My soundtrack for this oneshot was "What Sarah Said" by death cab for cutie. Gorgeous and heartbreaking.

Please tell me what you think of Selah, and how she needs to be developed. Because girlfriend needs it.


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